One of my first “Big Dates” was a Cotillion dance in 8th grade…or was it seventh? Cotillion was an attempt by a local “grande dame” to nurture refined manners in a group of young teens along with ballroom dancing instruction. I think it was a truly nerve wracking experience for most of us! Once a week we would walk a couple blocks from the middle school to the K of C Hall located on the 3rd floor of a downtown building. A virtual skyscraper in our town! Guys wanting a little money would hang about by the door and help the instructor out of her car …open the door. These kind of brownie points paid a couple bucks cash! If you were really good you would carry some of her stuff up the 3 flights of worn wooden stairs. It was one of those buildings that are mystifyingly old…the major mystery to me being that they haven’t burned down!

We would then partner up and learn the rhumba, the foxtrot, the bossa nova, jitterbug, waltz etc. Every so often we would switch partners and during the session you would dance with each of the 50 girls a couple times. All very open stance and supervised…but still at that age, and for a nerdy guy still in his Clark Kent frames it was something of a thrill.

Jenny (names have been changed to protect the sweet and innocent) was a cute little girl from my neighborhood. She lived about 4 blocks away so I only saw her when I was walking home. Her family had a tree between the sidewalk and street with a trunk that was curved from years of kids passing by and jumping up to hang from it…at least I think I wasn’t the only one! Many days Jenny would be waiting by that tree till I passed by and smile nervously saying “Hi”. I too would say “Hi”. Sometimes I even said it first! But always continuing on my way. God only knows what disasters would have occured if I had stopped to talk any further! But this was earthshaking stuff making my head spin on the rest of my walk home.

Well this brazen flirting continued and the pitch of her “Hi’s” became higher and happier. When it was time to invite someone to the dance I found the number in the phone book and spent an hour or so making myself nervous. One of Jenny’s 300 sisters answered the phone and I heard much yelling for her and thumping up and down stairs…I nearly hung up in fear! This was much worse than when the german shephard down the street was chomping on my leg as I rode past on my bike!

I don’t remember the conversation with Jenny…I may have blacked out. But I know it was successful because weeks later I found myself at her house in a suit in this predicament with an enourmous corsage and no clue of how to pin it to her dress. Thankfully her mother came to the rescue. Her mom still laughs about that when she see’s me.

After that awkward scene things got better. We sat with friends and ate, all joking around. Jenny and I actually remembered the different dances and impressed the leader of the orchestra a little. Music, friends and dancing with a childhood crush. There was nothing more to it than that. Really when compared to some of my more recent dates, it is perfect in comparison.

Matt Matcherson is a writer musician and humorist. Sometimes he even writes funny music. His site MatchTales brings dating stories, site reviews and free dating support forums to the web.

http://www.matchtales.com

A Dating Story From My Youth is a post from: Uniting Couples

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A couple of weeks ago, I watched a Sex and the City episode, in which Charlotte, in her never-ending quest to find true love, attends a seminar to teach her how to do just that.

She drags Carrie along, who scoffs at the whole thing. She thinks both the women who got sucked into attending and the seminar leader are sad and ridiculous.

To attract the right men, the crowd is counseled to use affirmations, which Carrie finds preposterous. These suckers actually think they’re going to meet guys by reciting a string of useless words!

During the presentation, Charlotte raises her hand to ask the leader a question. She says something like, “I’ve been using my affirmations, but I still haven’t found the right one.”

Slightly annoyed, the leader says, you have to get out there, you have to love yourself, and so on.

Carrie grabs the mic from Charlotte and insists, “She is out there.”

The leader says something, but Carrie drowns her out, “She is out there.”

As far as Carrie’s concerned, the seminar is a scam. There are probably no decent men left on the planet. The good ones are married, and the rest have issues.

Now, I enjoy watching Sex and the City. It’s fun. It’s light. It takes my mind off more serious things.

But it is not real life!

Carrie may discount the power of affirmations, but I didn’t. If you aim to attract a wonderful man, you shouldn’t, either.

They work.

Even better, they’re free.

Indeed, they are one of the most important methods I used to attract the right man for me(who I’ve been happily married to for almost 13 years).

After years of dating losers, schmoozers, and No-Show Joes, I attracted a loyal, loving, reliable, successful, fun man by using affirmations.

If you want to attract a man who is worthy of you, who will add to your happiness, then decide what qualities you want in a man and write an affirmation in the present tense:

I am happily married to (or in a relationship with) a ____, ____, _____, ______ man.

Write it ten times a day. Recite it in the shower. Repeat it to yourself as you’re falling asleep at night.

Give it time. You could start attracting better men within weeks. If you’ve been hurt or have trouble trusting men, it will take more time.

But keep it up. Keep it to yourself. You’ll find out that it’s worth it.

By all means, keep watching Sex and the City. Just remember that it’s fiction. Few people, men or women, actually behave like its characters in Manhattan or anywhere else.

Terry Hernon MacDonald is the author of How to Attract and Marry the Man of Your Dreams. Visit her website at http://www.marrysmart.com

Life isnt Sex and the City is a post from: Uniting Couples

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I logged on to a dating site the other day and was greeted by a large, flashing message. It promised that if I took the time to answer a series of questions that they would find a “perfect match” for me. Imagine that? All the work and worry of being single – gone! We truly have evolved! Not only can computer programs manage the entire traffic system of a city and make chess grandmasters cry, but now they can lead my perfect match right to my doorstep. I always wanted a Stepford wife, I hope it comes assembled.

The recent trend in Internet Dating has been the use of a “computer personality test” of some sort. Websites claim that these tests, usually developed by a “top psychologist”, have the ability to understand you and your needs through a series of questions. Confused? Lost in love? Problems communicating? Don’t worry, the Online Dating Hal 5000 can figure you out! In fact, when you’re done, this computer program will know your needs and desires better than you do.

Remember the Broadway play "Fiddler on The Roof"? You might not, it was the first Broadway play I went to when I was seven. A song that always stuck in my head for some reason was "matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match?" The song starts as a plea to the matchmaker to bring true love straight to the altar; someone beautiful, rich, intelligent, and perfect.

But by the end of the song, the singer realizes that the Matchmaker might not be up to the task. She decides that "playing with matches, a girl can get burned".

So, do these tests really work?

Personality tests have a long history. Really, really smart guys with names like Freud, Maslov, Fromm, and Jung developed respected psychological theories, and these theories are used as the basis for all types of tests. "The Big Five" theory suggests that there are five dimensions of personality: openness to experience, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism. Some popular personality tests use this as a foundation. Others go the "Big Three" route, which does away with the "openness" and "agreeableness" dimensions – mostly because it’s easier to remember.

I joke a little about these theories, but the truth is that they’ve survived the test of time and there is a ton of scientific research behind them. The real question is if these tests can be effective in applying a theory to the complexity of a human being. Add to this the additional layer of meshing your answers with another, equally complex person. That’s a tall order.

People have impulsive behavior that simply can’t be measured when they’re sitting, relaxed and introspective, taking one of these tests. Often our answers reflect our perfect (or hopeful) idea of ourselves. Even if we are trying our best to be honest, our impulsive behavior in real-life situations can be far different than we’d expect.

Another wildcard is attraction. We can meet someone who’s empirically good-looking, has a similar background, is kind and successful ? and yet we’re not attracted. Often we can’t explain why we like another person. It may be how they make us laugh, a crooked smile ? even how they smell! Sometimes little things that are immeasurable on their own can collectively make us attracted.

Human beings and our emotions and desires are far too complex, and a computer program can’t solve the riddles of our romantic lives. As Jung put it, "the meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances; if there is a reaction both are transformed". It sounds good, but even Jung was hedging his bet when it comes to love. What will cause two individuals to react to each other? Even the developers of the study of personality would not presume that a series of questions could predict romance.

If you rely solely on matchmaking services, you are missing the entire beauty of online dating. The beauty is opportunity. Online dating offers you an almost limitless opportunity to meet and date new people. It gives you the time and space to find what best suits you. Going to a quality dating site that isn’t trying to sell you fantasy of finding your match for you will mean you will have a pool of millions of singles to meet.

Treat matchmaking options as just another fun way to explore. It can serve as an ice breaker to start a conversation, but don’t expect them to be the answer to finding your perfect match. Keep all options open and explore possibilities. As a unique individual, only can you know what works for you. You need to develop skills to communicate and meet people. Developing both online and offline dating skills is the best way to find the right relationship.

Next time you’re brushing your teeth, take a look in the mirror. See that amazing person? That’s your matchmaker with a mouthful of toothpaste. Take charge of your life and get into action! Enjoy dating and enjoy the process of discovery. Your experiences, both good and not-so-good, are essential to finding the right person for you.

Devlyn Steele (“America’s Leading Life-Coach”) is a Relationship Coach, Life-Coach, radio host, columnist, and the developer of ToolsToLife.com. . His new program OnlineDatingKit.com teaches Internet daters the skills they need to find their perfect matches on their own.

e-Matchmaking: Can a Computer Program Find Love For You? is a post from: Uniting Couples

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Dear Relationship Coach-

“We met online and seemed to hit it off right from the start. After he answered my ad, we went on our first date, and it was fabulous. I believe we both felt a strong chemistry and learned a lot about each other. At the end of the evening we agreed to get together again. He called me the next day and we talked for three hours. On our second date, we spent the whole day together. After three dates (and many emails, phone calls) – we were talking on a Thursday night. We had previously discussed plans for Saturday. However, he did not mention it before we hung up. I wasn’t sure of how to handle the situation, so I waited until a day later and left a voice message for him, saying hi. After four days with no word, I left him an invitation to dinner at my place. I never heard back. What happened? What am I supposed to think?” (Confused Female)

Many single women write to me expressing confusion, uncertainty and frustration regarding the whole dating scene. Their stories are often (like the one above), filled with tales of broken dates, unanswered emails and/or phone calls and guys just disappearing for no apparent reason. They are looking for answers about what qualities men look for in choosing women to date and want to know what single guys really want from their relationships. Most of all, they want to know how to find and build mutually satisfying and lasting relationships.

After receiving the above email, I decided to query several single guys and ask for their thoughts, reactions and suggestions to this and other questions that women want answers to. The men I spoke to are all; never married, twenties to thirties, professional, attractive and financially successful. All have very full social lives and have been actively meeting and dating women for years. Only one guy (David, a small town mayor and a professional lobbyist for a trade association) is in a relationship. However, he travels quite a bit and spends a lot of time out socially with mixed groups of singles.

Their feedback for the writer of the above question contained somewhat differing views, but had a consistent thread running through it. The bottom line – he liked her and had an interest, but something changed and he decided he didn’t want to continue. The men offered such comments as “he decided he’s just not that interested in her” and ” I wonder if they had sex, because some guys are into the chase and loose interest after that”. One guy was surprised that this had occurred after they had spent a lot of time together and there had been a real interest in getting to know each other. All of the guys felt that he should have handled the situation differently. David felt the writer should have brought up the issue of getting together right away- during the phone call. He believes “this would have cleared up the ambiguity and let her know upfront where she stood.” He also commented that a woman needs to “focus on what is happening in a relationship right now”. He cautioned, “don’t rely on past dates, go with what is happening now.” Their comments gave birth to more discussion and many related questions that came up for me as they shared about their dating experiences and their beliefs. The end result? A brief snapshot of the qualities men look for in women and their thoughts on dating, timing, commitment and marriage.

What are turn-ons for you?

* ” Personality is very important. Look for easy-going, easy to be with, low maintenance”.

* ” Confident, fun, strong – yet kind- women”

* ” Takes care of herself- mentally and physically”

* " Makes decisions based on what is good for her, not to please me or someone else”

* " Is positive and can be part of a healthy give-and-take relationship”

* ” Attractive and has style and class”

* ” Is a good friend, easy-going. easy to be with”

* ” Is upfront and communicates feelings/wants/needs clearly and directly”

* ” Comfortable with herself/her body/her decisions”

What are turn-offs for you?

* ” Doesn’t take care of herself- sloppy, disorganized, etc.”

* ” Negativity is a big turn-off- behavior, relationships, conversation”

* ” High-maintenance- nothing is ever enough”

* ” Game-player/won’t express needs and feelings directly”

* ” Expects too much in general and doesn’t give back equally”

* ” Is always the victim- everyone unfair and unkind to them”

* “needy, insecure, clingy”

* ” selfish- stingy with money, time, friends”

What are the qualities that make a woman a “keeper”?

* ” Nurturing”

* “supportive”

* ” intelligent”

* ” very into me”

* ” appreciates what I contribute and is respectful of my feelings”

* ” self-reliant”

* “family-oriented, likes kids”

* ” career or no career ok as long as she contributes to the family (great mom)

How would you define “date”?

* ” Make plans in advance”

* ” There is something there besides sex”

* ” This is something you want to pursue- have an interest in the person”

* “Friends with benefits can lead to dating or be considered a date”

* “Hooking-up is not dating”

How does a woman know if a guy is really interested?

* ” He will pursue her” * ” No matter what, he will keep in contact” * ” He communicates regularly and pursues a dating relationship”

How does a guy let a woman know he is not/no longer interested?

* ” He will vanish”

* ” Email or call but not bring up getting together”

* “Say I had a great time, etc.- but then not call”

* “Won’t return calls or call when he said he would”

* “Talk with her about how he is feeling/not feeling, but this is hard for many men to do”

* “Has to do with his age and level of maturity- these will determine which way he will handle it”

Why/when do guys marry?

* ” It’s about maturity and readiness”

* ” Age and what friends are doing plays a large role”

* ” Has to do with readiness for making a commitment and having kids, etc.”

* ” Heeds to feel financially, emotionally ready”

* ” Needs to really click with a woman- on all levels”

* “timing is a lot of it”

The content of the feedback from these guys was very consistent. The overall consensus? High-maintenance, negative women are the biggest turn-offs. Confident, together women, who take care of themselves, can communicate honestly and directly and are easy to be with- got the highest marks. Timing in relationships plays a huge role. Mostly, the men emphasized that when a guy is truly interested in a woman, he will pursue her and let her know. If he offers excuses and doesn’t follow through, he’s just not interested- either in her or in a relationship at this time.

My advice to the women out there. “Listen” closely to what he communicates non-verbally. If he says one thing, but does another, he is not telling you the whole truth. If you have just begun dating someone or have seen him for a while and his behavior towards you changes suddenly- address this with him immediately. Most of all, if something just doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. Trust your instincts and let them be your guide.

Toni Coleman, MSW is a licensed psychotherapist and relationship coach with over 20 years of experience. As a recognized expert, Toni has been quoted in many local and national publications including: The Chicago Tribune and The Orlando Sentinel newspapers and Family Circle, Woman’s Day, and Star magazines. She has been featured on ABC News; Discovery Health Channel and AOL Online. As a weekly contributing commentator on the KTRS Radio Morning Show, (St. Louis, MO), Toni offers dating tips and relationship advice in response to listener feedback. Toni founded Consum-mate.com in 2002 to offer singles the knowledge and tools they need to find and sustain healthy, lasting love relationships. She is a member of The International Coach Federation, and The International Association Of Coaches.

Men On Dating- Timing, Turn-offs and Keepers is a post from: Uniting Couples

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Body language is the meaning behind the words or the "unspoken" language. Surprisingly, studies show that only up to an estimated 10 percent of our communication is verbal.

The majority of the rest of communication is unspoken. This unspoken language isn’t rocket science. However, there are some generalizations or basic interpretations that can be applied to help with the understanding or translating of these unspoken meanings. Here are some basics below.

1. Smile

People like warm smiles. Think of a heartfelt warm-fussy, maybe your favorite pet, and smile.

2. Eyes

If you don’t look someone in the eyes while speaking, this can be interpreted as dishonesty or hiding something. Likewise, shifting eye movement or rapid changing of focus/direction can translate similarly.

If more than one person is present in a group, look each person in the eye as you speak, slowly turning to face the next person and acknowledge him or her with eye contact as well. Continue on so that each person has felt your warm, trusting glance. Some suggest beginning with one person and moving clockwise around the group so that no one is missed, and so that you are not darting around, seemingly glaring at people.

3. Attention Span / Attitude

Other people can tell what type attitude you have by your attention span. If you quickly lose focus of the other person and what is being said, and if your attention span wanders, this shows through and makes you seem disinterested, bored, possibly even uncaring.

4. Attention Direction

If you sit or stand so that you are blocking another in the party, say someone is behind you, this can be interpreted as rude or thoughtless. So be sure to turn so that everyone is included in the conversation or angle of view, or turn gently, at ease and slowly, while talking, so that everyone is incorporated, recognized and involved in the conversation. Again some suggest the clockwise movement when working a group.

5. Arms Folded / Legs Crossed

This can be seen as defensive or an end to the conversation. So have arms hang freely or hold a glass of water, a business card or note taking instruments while communicating with others. Be open with open arms. Note: If you need to cross legs, cross at your ankles and not your knees. Sitting tightly folded up says that you are closed to communications.

6. Head Shaking

If people are shaking their heads while you speak, they are in agreement. If they are shaking, "no," disagreement reigns in their minds.

7. Space / Distance ?

On the whole, people like their own personal body space. Give people room and keep out of their space. Entering to close can be intrusive and viewed as aggressive. Leaning ? Sitting or standing, leaning is viewed as interest. In other words, an interested listener leans toward the speaker. Note others’ body language ? While you are with others, note how their bodies read. If a person suddenly folds his arms across his chest and begins shaking his head "no," you’ve probably lost him. Might try taking a step back and picking up where the conversation began this turn for the negative and regroup. It’s all about strategic planning!

Learn how to meet and attract beautfiul women. Stop by The Dating Advice Site today for free dating tips! http://www.datingadvicesite.com/

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Until Death Do You Part?
That certainly was a lie. Your spouse got the house, a younger you, and you got the children. Definitely not an even split there.

Six months later – Enter your friend…
Friend: You can’t just sit around by yourself forever.
You: But I’m not alone. I have the children.
Friend: The children, humph. They don’t keep you warm at night, do they?
You: It’s not like that anymore.
Friend: Of course it’s not. Really, it isn’t.
Friend: I know someone. This person is recently divorced too.

Freeze Frame. Get rid of friend. You can mail the coat after you finally get over the fact that the first choice for you is someone who failed Marriage 101 too. When you are ready to date, when you have moved that big band-aid off your heart, it won’t be so that a friend of a friend can dance on your scab. It will be because you’re ready to share your life with someone again.

Three months have passed. Following the coldest winter in history, you remembered to send your friend the coat. Guilt over your friend’s pneumonia leads you to go on the date with the divorced acquaintance. Less than twenty minutes into the date, it is revealed that this person thinks all children can benefit greatly from boarding schools. You personally get a thrill out of tucking your children in each night. Your date also has no idea why the nagging ex was so close-minded about boarding schools in general. Once the gates are open, the ex becomes the hot topic for the evening.

After that horrendous experience which cost you not only taxi fare but also two dollars for aspirin to relieve your splitting headache, you decide that research, among other things, is definitely in order before the next date with anyone. Your perfect match likes children and not merely from a distance. Should be a nonsmoker because breathing for some weird reason is very important to you and those you love. An advance college degree would represent the person’s desire to be a high achiever.

How should you go about finding this one in a million person when you have an extremely limited schedule that gives you barely any free time after the kids and a fulltime job? Bars and clubs? Not too many out there for single parents. Even if there were, children require sitters, and with the divorce not too far behind you, you would feel guilty for leaving them anyway, especially if the date turned out to be a waste of time.

The practical solution – online dating. It can be done from your home; you can view biographies of your prospects in a low pressured environment. For shits and giggles, you can also allow the kids to view some of the photographs. They might actually enjoy having a say in your love life.

Online dating is also inexpensive. With children, you need every penny you can save. For what you would pay for a pair of designer jeans for your oldest daughter, you can probably get a year’s membership in an online dating service. If it works out well, you soon might have someone else to buy your children’s clothes.

With screening elements built into their programs, online dating companies, such as Yahoo Personals and eHarmony, will allow you to define your own standards so that you can hopefully avoid those with whom you are incompatibility.

A new outfit for a date – $70.00
Trip to the salon – $55.00
Time wasted after realizing your date put the “lose” in loser – 3 hours
Opportunity cost (a game of Clue with the children) – priceless

Your time is too precious to waste. With online dating, you can make every moment count.

Ann Bendis writes about online dating and relationships at http://www.singleattractions.com

Is Online Dating For You After A Divorce? is a post from: Uniting Couples

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Once upon a time, online dating was a last resort, a joke of sorts for singles. Today, that is no longer the case. Millions of singles are now looking online for relationships. The reasons behind this new trend in dating are numerous.

Money Never Has and Never Will Grow on Trees.

The first reason people are turning to online dating is the relatively low cost of the services. Compared to the costs of transportation, grooming, and dining for a blind date, a few dollars a month to an online dating firm is cheap. Online dating allows singles to evaluate their matches and to get to know them before shelving out hard earned dough.

Must I Really Comb My Hair For This?

Comfort and convenience is the second reason online dating has become so popular. While it is generally done at home for privacy reasons, online dating can be done twenty-four hours a day from anywhere a person can access the Internet. No make-up or new hairstyle is required. When in the comfort of your own home, there is no dress code and bathing, although preferred in case of emergency, is optional.

Being able to meet new people in the confines of their own homes is also a huge plus for singles and divorcees living with children. They can mingle without having to hire a babysitter.

Only 24 Hours in a Day.

Why waste two of them talking to a guy who thinks all unforgettable, classic movies feature The Rock or to a girl who can’t name the United States Secretary of State but can list twenty colors of red nail polish? With the screening features provided by online dating services, you’re able to sift through the vast selection of singles and narrow down the pool to people who match your criteria.

Stupid is as Stupid Does.

Despite popular beliefs, online dating is not unsafe. It is in fact, as anonymous and safe, as a user wants it to be. Statistics reveal that it is just as safe as conventional dating, perhaps even safer as online daters don’t feel the need to invade the crazy, sometimes dangerous, bar scenes. As long as online daters exercise common sense as they should do even when dating in the conventional manner, they should have safe dates. It would be ridiculous to assume that one can play with a live beehive and not get stung.

A Happily Ever After For Me Too?

Online dating success stories are everywhere from CNN to Oprah. By itself alone, match.com recognizes an estimated 130 engagements and/or marriages each month as a result of its services. Other dating sites quote similar high figures. Daters see these numbers and want their own happy endings.

Online dating is inexpensive, convenient, safe, and proven successful. Nobody wants to be alone; no one should. With online dating, you don’t have to be.

Ann Bendis writes about online dating and relationships at http://www.singleattractions.com

Why Do So Many People Date Online? is a post from: Uniting Couples

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The number one mistake made by men on the first date is trying to buy love. The first date is not a marriage proposal; it’s merely an opportunity to measure compatibility. If it doesn’t work out, you will have spent all that cash on a fancy restaurant and red roses for nothing. Unfortunately, the IRS has not declared bad dates to be tax deductible expenses.

Even if the first date leads to a second one, it might be going there for all the wrong reasons. You can buy a beer, a pizza, a house, a diamond necklace, a car, but you cannot under any circumstances buy love. What you can do is make a woman show her deep affection for all your money, and since it’s your money she’s fallen for, when it’s all gone, she’s going to be gone too. If you spend all your money on the first date by showering them with luxuries, what’s going to happen on the second date when three Krystal burgers and a small fry replace the seven course gourmet meal? Trust me. It’s not going to be pretty. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Save some for a rainy day.

The second slip-up some men make on a date is one of the worst mistakes a man can ever make. There are many things that you can discuss on a date, but there is one topic which you should never bring up in a first date conversation, other women. Whether it is your ex, the blind date you had last week, or even your mother, the identity of the person does not matter. What matters is that women do not like hearing about other women. A woman likes to believe she is the only female in your life, even if it is just for one two hour date.

In addition, the last thing the same woman wants to hear is you telling her about the reasons that you left your ex. Eventually after hearing you talk about your ex so much, your date will soon be telling others that you were the worst date that she ever had. If your mother is all you can find to talk about on a date, then the odds are that you are still living home with her, and no woman wants a man who doesn’t have his own place.

The third error in judgment that some men make on a first date is just as disastrous as the mistake mentioned above. Don’t talk about sex on the first date. Here’s the short and sweet deal on the topic of sex. If a woman was solely interested in sex, then she wouldn’t even be out on a date with you; she would be home with her vibrator. Enough said about that. Let’s move on to error number four.

Along those lines, don’t be overly friendly on your first date. A handshake is sufficient and maybe a goodbye hug if both parties show some interest, but do not have your hands all over your date. This person may not find you attractive in the least. Even if there is attraction present, some people may not be comfortable being pawed on the first date. Once again, if it was simply about sex, your date would be at home.

The fifth mistake that men make on the first date is not being real. If you are a janitor, don’t try and dress it up by calling yourself a Maintenance Engineer. Keep it real!! If you are very happy driving your Chevy Cavalier, don’t tell your date that you are buying a Hummer soon. Months from now when your date is looking to ride in that Hummer, where will you be from then? Keep it real! Be honest about yourself. Lies will only come back to hurt you.

Avoiding these mistakes will increase your odds at the dating game. Hopefully, luck will fall on your side, and the first date will be just a beginning.

Ann Bendis writes about online dating and relationships at http://www.singleattractions.com

5 Mistakes Men Make On The First Date is a post from: Uniting Couples

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Dating can be scary no matter how or where you meet. Maybe he hasn’t shaved in five years. Perhaps, she has a reputation as the Black Widow after never being called back for a second date. Any date is a toss up. Dating is sort of how Forrest Gump described life; it’s like a box of chocolates because you never know what you’re going to get.

Because of the anonymity of online dating, it can be trickier than conventional dating. Appearances and descriptions can be misleading, and unfortunately in other cases, just downright deceiving. By following a few tips, online daters can successfully experience safe dates and avoid being a guest on one of those “disastrous internet dating” talk shows.

Tip #1: Trust your instincts and use common sense. If this person rubs you the wrong way via email, imagine how he or she will make you feel in person. Don’t do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable.

Tip #2: Enjoy your anonymity online. Using your dating service’s secure messaging system, you can communicate without giving out personal information until you feel comfortable. The last thing you need is your very own email stalker.

Tip #3: Be Realistic. Even most reality television shows don’t have happy endings these days. Just because this person sounds like the perfect fit, it doesn’t mean that you should start ordering the wedding invitations just yet. You have to read a book before you can give a real summary. This date might not be your last first date. If it doesn’t lead to a second date, move on to the next person on your list.

Tip #4: In case you’ve been stranded on a deserted island for the past thirty years and fail to realize that unfortunately there are some cruel and sick people in this world, this message needs to be heard. First Dates Should Be in Public! Never ever agree to meet at the other person’s place or to pick them up. Also, be sure and let a friend or family member know your plans for the evening. Stay alert on the first date. If you must have an alcoholic beverage, have only one and do not leave your drink unattended.

Tip #5: Try meeting during the day, perhaps on your lunch break. If the date isn’t going as planned, you have a perfect reason to cut the outing short.

Tip #6: Red Flags. As in all traffic signs, red means stop. Don’t ignore things that leap out at you about the person. These things are warning signs and include such behaviors:

a) Refuses to answer your questions directly. Is the person hiding something?

b) Makes disrespectful comments about others. How will the person describe you?

c) Inconsistent information which doesn’t match prior information from profile, chat, emails, and phone calls. Liar! Liar! Pants on Fire.

d) Avoids phone contact. Why? Marriage?

If the fates are kind, then you will only have pleasant dates as a result of your online matching, but just in case, it’s always good to be prepared.

Ann Bendis writes about online dating and relationships at http://www.singleattractions.com

Great Tips For A Safe Online Dating Experience is a post from: Uniting Couples

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1. Finding a Safe Dating Site
2. Online Dating Safety Tips
3. Tips for Creating a Successful Personal Online Dating Profile

One of the most frequently asked questions in the history of dating (with the exception of the caveman who was a firm believer in kidnapping and always took his date to a filthy cave) is where should one go on a first date. For starters, there are several places you shouldn’t even think about going on a first date. They are listed below in order of “you’ll die alone” rankings.

1) Never go to your parent’s house, especially if you still live there, on a first date. It says you’re beyond desperate.

2) When you promise someone a good time, it does not mean a luxury chicken box dinner in your out of the way motel. This proves that you’re stupid and freaky.

3) A movie as a first date? When exactly are you supposed to get to know the other person, during the three previews before the movie? This would not be a good call. If you want to watch a movie, watch it at home alone now or save it when the two of you have a reached a comfortable snuggle level.

Now that you know where not to go on a first date, let’s discuss a few places where you might choose to go. Here are 4 great places for a first date.

1) A museum is an excellent location for a first date, and they’re generally inexpensive. By chance, if neither your nor your date are history or art lovers, the exhibit will inspire you to talk about something even if it’s nothing but your dislike of museums. Most museums usually have cafes or are located near restaurants so dining should not be a problem either.

2) A casual restaurant or a coffee house is also a comfortable first date environment. Be sure and keep your date’s preferences in mind when selecting a place. There is nothing more itchy than going for dinner at a seafood restaurant when you’re allergic to seafood.

3) A park is a perfect avenue for a first outing. Walks that turn into picnics are laid back affairs where two people can feel comfortable out in the open. This is also a great opportunity to showcase your peanut butter and jelly sandwich making skills.

4) Outdoor concerts also offer another possibility for pleasant initial dates. Two people can talk in a relaxed atmosphere, and the outdoor arena lends itself to comfortable unrestrictive clothing, which in itself will take some of the dating pressure off each of you.

One last note. No matter where you go on a first date, always exercise common sense by meeting in public and never doing anything which makes you uncomfortable. Keep yourself safe so you can enjoy all that life has to offer.

Ann Bendis writes about online dating and relationships at http://www.singleattractions.com

Where Should You Go On The First Date? is a post from: Uniting Couples

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